The Major Samskaras of My Life
(As I Have Witnessed in My Level Of Consciousness)
What is a Samskara?
In yoga a samskara is a karmic inheritance of an emotional pattern or belief. It can be positive or negative. In psychology and the coaching world its better known as Programming or Conditioning – and is beleived it comes from our upbringing, usually planted in early childhood.
Thought Patterns & Conditioning Runs Deep
…..and it takes self awareness to bring it to the forefront so that you can witness it, and work through it.
Yoga has done this for me, in the connection to myself that it brought.
It Takes Work, Observation and Reflection
As I share this, please note this is a personal reflection, but I do feel that so many other people can relate which is why I’m sharing it publicly in this space. I include ways that I work through this nasty old pattern toward the bottom, and I hope it may help you now, or in the future.
The Meanest
The most negative and disruptive thought pattern I have caught myself steeping in more recently was probably the most limiting and harmful of all.
The mindset that I am Not Enough.
It comes in a few forms: I am not peaceful enough, organized enough, talented enough, cool enough, beautiful enough, young enough…. but the common thread is Not Enough. It has come through in my parenting, in my work, and in my personal relationships and social life.
“Not Enough” manifests from my fear & sadness of perceived rejection.
My ego is massively triggered when I assume I’m being judged or criticized, or at risk of losing something or someone, or worse yet – if I feel that I already have lost, or if I have failed. From there the stories begin to spin, and it becomes this space of judgment – and the truth is I’m the toughest judge around, when it comes to my successes.
Acting in a Place of Fear
The effect of years and years of this way of thinking has caused me to act in fear, be over- reactive or sometimes not act at all. I have become aware of times when I have been afraid to approach people, to speak up for myself, to ask for help. I’ve also been known to be reactive: pushing harder in my business, trying desperately to become more visible and striving for external validation.
Attachments
I have held the praise and criticisms of others very high. Other people’s opinions mattered far too much too me. Praise is nice, but equal weight is given to criticism. What I mean is as high in the clouds as I can be from a compliment; I can sink equally as low from a negative opinion, so I have had to consider how much value I give positive feedback.
Going within
In the end the only opinion that matters is mine, and whether I’ve done my best, and if I am in alignment with my core values. Other people’s thoughts and opinions are none of my business. That is what I try to remind myself of, when I’m out of alignment, or even before I get that far.
In addition to keeping that thought at the front of my mind, if I do get out of whack, I cycle through the following thoughts and journal them to work through the situation I’ve created.
- What is the story and what is the truth? What do I know for sure?
- I have the power to choose how this ends. Choose to operate from a place of love and compassion for myself and others.
- Where is the lesson to be learned from this?
From Fear to Love
The other side of this IS the truth. What I AM!
- I am creative
- I am compassionate
- I am kind
- I am empathetic and intuitive
- I am abundant
- I am helpful
- I am beautiful
- I am courageous
- I am fun
- I am peaceful
- I am the light of my soul
- I love with my entire being
I believe I’ve made huge progress in this but the work continues. I’m grateful for the awareness I’ve opened to thus far from the work I’ve done. Trust the process and it IS a process.
Not Enough seems like a bad word now… slowly (every so slowly), becoming obsolete in my vocabulary.
Sat Nam
Shanti